Procrastinating

well it is Sunday morning no one else is awake yet so I should be working on my homework not sitting here typing a blog entry. Today my final exam for algebra is due and I am nervous about it. I do not do too well on my tests in that class. I know the information and get the concepts but making it work on the test still eludes me! My final paper for my Ethics in Human Service Management is due today as well and I am still only about halfway done! I should be farther through my paper by now but since i was sick as anything this past week and my dang bladder decided to give me problems on top of being sick I did not get much done. This stupid cold is still hanging on too the coughing kills my head and caused a migraine the other day. With Dave regaining more and more feeling in the form of pain everyday I don't have time to stop for a headache. He is not that hard to take care of but add in a 12 year old and two dogs and a husband and school and still wanting to find a job of some sort (thinking the job will have to wait a while humph) and all the doctors appointments for all three and meds and then I am thinking about the appointment Mike has tomorrow and even though it is not anything major it is still stressing me out...not to mention cooking cleaning and trying to do all the other things that a stay at home mom (by choice or not) does and I wonder how my mom ever got anything done at all!! she didn't just have herself husband and two kids either she also had my grandmother great grandfather(for a while) aunt and uncle  and the menagerie of animals that always seemed to be around when we were growing up in my grandmothers house. She also ran my girl scout troop when my aunt no longer did, took us to 7 days of dance classes back and forth to softball, birthday parties, friends houses, gymnastics for my sister (over an hour away) and still managed to work and go to school and earn a degree.  As read over my words it sounds as if she was responsible for ll those people and that was not the case. However when you live in the same home as other people there are always more things to do, more food to cook, more dishes to wash, requests and demands on your time. I know this is true because for our almost 8 year relationship Mike and I have never really had time alone. Seems like we have always had some one living with us (well except for a 3 month stint in Florida and about the same in PA and a short period in NJ) and even when the people are living out of your home but very close (next door, across a courtyard, a few blocks away) there are still demands made on your time and sense of obligation to your family. Some people have the ability to turn away from those who are in need and well some of us don't. Some of us try to help to a fault and the expense of ourselves. I have no idea where this tangent came from maybe it is one of those days where reflection and introspection comes easily and allows me to appreciate all the things I had taken for granted or maybe it is the idea of pulling my daughter out of school and placing her in a military school or boot camp school or seeing Dave in so much pain or listening to my husband apologize to him for the millionth time or maybe there is some self pity going on here  but whatever it is I have successfully procrastinated  for a bit and now I must go work on these two assignments so that I can get my A and B in these classes (only my second B since starting back to school and first one since my first class) so that I can start my new classes tomorrow.... Wish me luck!!

oh boy what a couple of weeks!!

Well so much for trying to keep up with my blog the past couple of weeks!! Shortly after my last post my husband and brother in law were involved in a motor vehicle accident. The new Jimmy we just got was totaled not by the accident but by the roof having to be cut off to extract my brother in law. He sustained serious injury to his right arm and it was touch and go there for  while as to whether the arm would be saved. Right now it is good but that does not mean he can't still loose the arm. I was told after 7 hours of surgery that he should have no sensations for 12-18 months and that we should not expect any voluntary controlled movements for 6-9 months. Well once he was moved to CCU and we were finally able to see him for the first time since the accident I notified his fingers twitching. Since the doctors had told me not to expect much of the arm I wrote it off as involuntary muscle movements. Later that day when we went back to see him I watched him move his fingers (middle ring and pinkie) I was like what did you just do he said what this and did it again...I was shocked and the staff (nurses and doctors) have encouraged him to move his fingers as much as possible. Just before his discharge on Sept 20 (13 days after the accident) his doctor asked him to try to move his wrist and he was not able to, however later that night here at home when I was rewrapping his ace bandages that had come loose he tried to move the wrist again and was successful! He has had random stabbing pain in his arm from finger tips to injury site. This we have been told is the nerves trying to reconnect and even though it is pain it is a positive occurrence. Right now the most important thing to us is that he heals as well as possible and that he can eventually lead as normal a life as possible. Last prognosis was a return of up to 30% of is usage. the doctor says he may still need a skin graft but that remains to be seen depending on how the skin heals.It remains to be seen if that will be the way it is or not. He has set a long term goal for himself to bowl again with that arm. The vascular surgeon has said it is a good goal however the reconstructive plastic surgeon has said it is a good goal but he does not see it happening. I have told him to not let anyone tell him his goals are unrealistic. Right now it is crazy to think about bowling anytime soon but one day move his wrist the next maybe more thumb movement after that who knows what some one who is determined to do something can do? there have been cases of people with broken necks and spinal cord injuries told they would never walk again being seen running a marathon. I know these are isolated cases however it goes to show the power of being positive. do you think that if these people were negative about their situations and recovery they would have ever had the strength to try to do the things they were told they could not or never would? As soon as I heard of the accident and knew that a major injury had occurred I sent out a prayer request. This single prayer request grew and grew. I am not the most religious person but I believe that prayer is powerful and that God will answer prayers that are selfless. People who do not know my brother in law sent prayers for his well being and recovery. I believe God has heard these prayers and is helping him to recover. I know that God has a plan. What that plan is may not be so clear right now but there will be something good to come of this accident and injury. all I ask is that everyone who is OK with it says a prayer that he will recover and that he stays positive about that recovery and the last part should be that his pain stays bearable. I know we all have a long road of recovery ahead of us. My husband has the guilt that he feels as he was driving and his brother was injured. My brother in law well you got that already and for me to stay strong and to push him when needed and to try hard not to be too mean about it. I know that I will have to be the one to make him do the things he does not want to, that I will at times be felt as his worst enemy/nightmare. I know that he will be mad and angry and I need to stay strong enough to deal with that and also to be there for my husband when the guilt gets to be too much. Thank you for reading and I will update when I have something more about them and this accident.
     I will also try to write more frequently. Update on my school before I go: I am still doing well. I have an A in my ethics in human services class and have dropped to a B in my algebra class over the last two weeks. I am less than a half a point from my A and hoping I can achieve that A! I am holding up for now and made it through the first dressing change of my brother in laws arm. I prepared for the worst and it was not as bad as I thought it would be!

ugh moving!

I have decided that if I never move again it will be too soon!! Last week we finally got into a place and man what a trip to get here. We moved from my in laws to an extended stay hotel in December and then out of that hotel to my moms for one night in August first. From there to a place in Morrisville PA for one night. the neighbors complained to the landlord about the dogs barking. Uhm they are dogs, dogs bark duh!! Then a friend and her mom offered us a place to stay until we found something else. It didn't work out there. So after a week and a half we went to a red roof in for four days until we could move into the place we found. So after five moves in less than three weeks we are officially residents of Carteret now. We are still looking for living room furniture and and a small table and chairs for our kitchen. we need to find some bedroom stuff for my daughter as well. The dogs are settling in and my parents and sister are relieved to not have the little squawk boxes anymore (my love birds). Macie wants to keep the snake there at my parents and my dad agrees since she looks "cool" and is quiet. a long with this move Mike and I have decided that we are fed up with cigarettes. I have been for a while cant stand the taste the smell or the expense. So we ordered the electronic cigarettes. I am doing better than he is but then again he smokes more than I did. We are still using the fluid with nicotine in it but it is a lot less than what we were getting smoking. So we are on a journey! Today was Mike's first day of not really smoking. We smoked one cigarette each at my moms house this morning and then my battery died on my electronic cigarette and my back up battery was in the truck and me being lazy did not want to go out and get it. I did not for that matter want to go buy cigarettes either lol. So tomorrow should be interesting with neither one of us using a tobacco product!! I found that after a while with out the e-cigarette I was getting crabby so I went out and got my battery......
Just had to add that I am sitting here watching extreme home makeover and crying my eyes out over the shear selflessness of this family in Arkansas!!

sooooo tired!!

Well yet again i have managed to neglect my blog!! I am sooo tired as always and should be asleep as we have hubby's birthday party tomorrow. I feel bad not many people are able to make it and that really stinks for him two broken down cars, vacations, and work are keeping people from being able to get there. Oh well such is life!! The people who are most important to him and are always there for him will be there and that is good.
My laptop is acting up again and that is really starting to get on my nerves. There the Internet here are my moms has been going in and out all night but then again there was a possible tornado touch down in North Jersey so bad weather has a way of affecting things like that. Ugh well now I have to be up at 7am and it is almost 2am and Macie and her friend Angel are still up watching the Grudge 2 and now I am getting a little freaked out. I hate to admit that but it is true. I love horror films and usually laugh at them no don't go up the stairs as the psycho chases you the door is right there just leave the house!! Like really?? but the grudge bothers me! I hate the sound and the cat and the freaky evil possessed spirit that kills people so not cool for whatever reason!! well anyway time to try and sleep have a great day!!

HOT HOT HOT!!!

Oh wow what is up with this heat???? Yesterday at about 1pm we looked at my moms back yard thermometer that sits in the shade and the needle was just a shade under 105! So what do we do? Squeeze the 3 of us into the cab of our truck that has no A/C and go do some running around! OK so not the smartest thing we have ever done! I wish they was a way to strap an A/C unit to my back and have it keep me cool no matter how hot it is outside! To top it all off I ended up with a double skin abscess on my throat :( This makes me not happy at all! Trying to keep it clean and covered with antibiotic ointment is hard when you get close to the door and the sweat starts pouring off of you!! This is a horribly painful situation. I can not even use band aids to cover it because the adhesive is ripping my skin off and when you sweat the bandages fall off anyway :( I just needed to vent! I want a pool at my disposal or at least a block of ice to "chill" on!!

Bid wheel keep on turning....

OK so just because I feel like I am falling apart at the seams does not mean that the world can stop. i really wish it would but here i am just barely keeping myself anchored. feel like I am holding on with all my might and all I have left are my fingertips on the edge of nothingness. Been a long few days as I said last time. I am just barely getting done the things I need to like right now i should be asleep as 4:30 is just about 2 hours away yet here I am sitting here typing out a blog humph!! I had a power point presentation due for my environmental science class tonight and I hate power point!! I just think that there are so many other ways to deliver a presentation and that power point is over played and well overstayed its welcome. I went to a sweet sixteen today and then to my parents to have fathers day dinner with my dad then off to see my kid rushed back here to get my homework done and now I just cant relax. Hubby and both doggy boys are asleep and all three are snoring. Sometimes I wish I could be like them an just lie my head down and be asleep almost instantly. No I am the one who lies awake for hours just trying to get into a position that I will not wake up too sore to move from. Grossest thing ever!! i woke myself up by drooling on my self last night!! Ugh how disgusting!! I am not talking one of those little spittle runs down your cheek I am talking about must have been dreaming about some good eats mouth watering drool gushing out of my mouth and down my cheek and into my hair before I could even sit up and a wet pillow kind of drooling. So gross! Nice now my dog has decided that my pillow should be his so now not only am I going to worry about drowning myself in my own drool I have to worry about choking on dog hair as well. anyone who has or knows about labs can attest to the fact that when they blow coat you will find dog hair everywhere!! this is the first time in his life he has really blown coat. I found dog hair in my clean laundry yesterday morning. there was dog hair in my dish drain, my carpet instead of a nice Green looks black and dingy and I just ran the vacuum yesterday!! His fur is everywhere. I tried to comb him out and it looked like I removed an entire animal from his coat!! when I got done Buddy looked about 15 lbs slimmer than he did before he got combed! He is a funny boy! Brought the boys home some rib bones from my parents. i know blah blah blah don't feed your dogs bones blah blah blah but hey if they were out in the wild and got into some ones trash they would get them an besides they have been eating them their whole lives. anyway they loved the rib bones and Buddy takes his and puts it in his crate. He then goes t his food and water and drinks all of his water. Cosmo goes over by the crate when he finished his bone and Buddy comes tearing across the room to the crate grabs the bone and turns around in the crate effectively turning his back on Cosmo and proceeds to eat his bone. Oh and he likes to catch lightning bugs! I told my husband if he takes the boys out at night and Buddy's poop glows don't worry it is just lightning bugs. He has not perfected the art of catching them does not mean eating them lol. The stupid bugs are EVERYWHERE. Came back in from walking the boys, figured i would change then work on my homework well took my shirt off and felt something just inside the edge of my bra, pull it out and its glowing grrrr freaking lightning bug in my bra!! the woods along side of us are glowing from the thousands if not millions that are in there at night! I do know one thing I would rather have lightning bugs than LOVE BUGS!! at least the lightning bugs are cool to watch and wont ruin the paint on your car!! OK pure randomness tonight! the sweet sixteen I went to today? It was is Merril Park. I have not been there since my 12 year old was about 5 or so. When I used to take her there to see the animals there was an old horse there named King ( thinking that was his name) well one time when my mother was with us she said it was the same horse that has been there since I was little. OK that's cool multigenerational animal entertainment. Is it still possible for that horse to be alive?? I mean it is the same one as when my daughter was younger but could it really be almost 30 years old and be the same one from my childhood? King is very old and half blind. He has a massive cataract in his right eye and his left eye is starting to look milky but isn't too bad yet. He is a sweety but can get a little nippy if you try to touch his face on the right side. I m assuming that this is because he can not see you and it may startle him a little. He seems to be OK with you touching that side as long as you are talking to him or making some noise to remind him you are there. So sad when he walked away from us today he stumbled and he seems to be having a hard time really picking his legs up and he kind of drags his hoofs when he walks reminds me of the lazy teens when they shuffle along. Anyway just getting my thoughts out but now my eyes are tired and I think I can finally rest for about 2 hours maybe even sleep if i don't drowned in a pool of my own drool!!!

sleepless in NJ

Well i am supposed to be trying to sleep but my mind is a blurr of activity right now. Again this morning my daughter was committed to the psych ward. As I have posted before she is a cutter. She has adjustment disorder and it causes depression and she gets suicidal. I wish she would open up to us before it gets to this point! I feel like I am failing my kid and have no idea how to help her anymore! We are at our wits end and so are her other caregivers. Even the hospital is upset with her 3 week turnaround! This is the 3rd hospitalization for suicidal ideation in 3 months!! We have all kinds of support for her and she just keeps turning her nose up at it. I know it doesn't help when the people who called themselves her friends turn out to be back stabbers and talk about her behind her back. do they not realize that if they are not happy with her that is not the way to take care of it?? well I have had about 2 hours of sleep since 4:30 Thursday morning and it is now for all essential purposes after 1 am Saturday morning. Need to sleep but thought that maybe if I could get some of this out that I might feel a little better and calm my mind some. Not too sure it worked but I guess if I do not lie down and try to sleep again I will not know for sure! thanks for reading and I am sure that more will follow!