Just another day

OK yesterday was my birthday well I guess now it was 2 days ago. My husband promised to take me out to dinner. Well lovely bipolar means promises do not get kept like they should so we did not go to dinner. Things have been rough the last few weeks. He still claims he doesn't love me but he acts like he does. He will reach for me in his sleep. ( little bit here he has been working nights and sleep during the day so I try to lay and watch TV or sit quietly on the computer when hes sleeping) While he is asleep he will reach for me like he is afraid I am not there. The other day he reached for me while I was in the bathroom and he freaked cause he could not find me. The counselor has cut him back to every other week with his visits and we all think this is a little premature. Since he has been working again he has been doing almost nothing but working and sleeping. I mean the first week he had three days off and out of the first 36 hours he slept 31. He actually slept almost the full three days save for going to the bathroom or eating. Now it has been a few weeks and he is still sleeping all the time. I needed to go to the store last week and I am still having problems with my knee and was not able to drive myself. I had to wait until it was almost too late to go to the store because he was still asleep. Tonight he did take me to dinner but at what price to him I wonder. He went to sleep around noon and told me to wake him at 7pm so he could shower and we could go. Well i woke him at 7 and he said 7:30 he would just shower when we got back. When we got back he did not shower he went to sleep for 45 minutes and then to work. I worry about him so much partly because he has mixed episode meaning he is manic and depressive at the same time and they are only treating the mania at this point. This episode feels like it is taking forever to come out of but then I remember that it has only been three months and that the ones in the past have taken at least three months to even show any signs of getting better. After his appointment this morning he seemed to be in a better mood. I was sitting here at the computer earlier and he rolled over in his sleep and put his hand on me. He opened his eyes and I said everything OK and he said yeah i just wanted to make sure you were here. I said I am not going anywhere and he said good I like you here...then went back to sleep. He will not remember it. He has been having waking memory issues as well and I know that it is the bipolar and that worries me too. I worry about him so much. I did join a bipolar supporter support group. Boy is that a mouthful. I can talk to my friends and family about what is going on and they say they understand but in reality there is no way that they can even begin to understand. His mother most likely comes the closest to understanding but i think it is a lot different being a supporter of son with bipolar than a supporter of a husband with bipolar. I know that she has been through a lot with him and that she is one of my biggest fans. I know she sees more than she says and that she always wants whats best for us. I guess i just have a hard time believing right now that this too shall pass. I am in a funk of my own and that is not helping anything. I have been told that my husband needs to keep a diary or journal and he did start a blog however he has not written in it since he started it. I told him that by blogging about his bipolar and how it affects him he may be helping some one else who has bipolar and who knows how much help that could be to some one. Maybe there is some one out there right now who is contemplating suicide and they read his blog about how when he was suicidal he got help and how he knew afterward that it was the best thing he could have done to get help? Maybe his story could help some one else. Well I guess that is all I have for now but I do apologize that i have not been keeping up if you are following me that is. We moved out of his moms house and into a hotel for now. Anyway more soon I promise!!