Time for me

OK so I know that this title is a little deceiving and mot likely brings a lot of different things to mind. Recently I have heard many different people use the term time for me. Some mean doing things for themselves to improve themselves, other mean taking private time for themselves. To me time for me means that I am taking a look at myself and trying to fix the things that I feel do not work within myself. For example I am in school as all if not most of you know. I often spend my day doing the things that need to be done and waiting until the end of the night to get my homework done. I then get up early the next morning and start coffee and try to send my husband off to work with breakfast coffee and a lunch by 6:30. Well if I am staying up until 3am getting homework done and then getting back up at 5:30am and staying up all day this is not working. It is leaving me very tired and quite cranky. I try to make sure my husband comes home to a clean house and dinner on the table or very close to it at least. If  I am so tired that running a vacuum or doing a load of laundry seems like a monumental achievement than it is not doing either one of us any good. I feel like since he is working the daily housework and cooking and cleaning and the like should be my responsibility. This is only fair as I see it. Not only that but I want to do these things. When I was working crazy hours and he was home more than I was he would do the things I am trying to do now. He wants me to do well in school and tells me homework comes first but I hate when he comes in tired and cold and has to wait for dinner or has to clean the stuff off of the couch jut to sit down. I feel like it is the least I can do if he is out busting his butt at work. Today I had a long ride by myself from my oms house to mine. I was thinking of all the things that did not get done today and how my husband had to take a train and then walk about three miles home. I am not happy about this. We tried to get a second vehicle and on Christmas eve we got a used van from a buy here pay here place. We did not want to go into debt for a car but figured e could not afford something that was not reliable. I had the van for a few days (2) and had it back at the dealer with a transmission slip. They had is for 2 days and I got it back. A couple days later the transmission was slipping again so they came and got it three days after they said they would be here for it. They had it for about two days and called and told me that the transmission was shot and we had two options 1: they fix the transmission or 2: we come down and they put us in something else. So we went and looked and didn't see anything that we liked that night. Now when the trans first started acting up I did some more research on the dealer and all the complaints that I found said that they sell cars with bad transmissions. UH OH! so we went back the next day and they had a 5 year newer van come in that was FULLY LOADED. He said if we liked it we could have it for the same price because of the problems. Nice right? WRONG! He sent it out for breaks an oil change and something else and called me two or three days later to come pick it up. I went and got it and signed all of the new paper work and well I did not even make it home and the over drive light started flashing and the check transmission light came on. GRRRRR! I called them but they were closed as expected. got it home turned it off and restarted light was gone. called them back and said never mind. Next morning Hubby drove it work and it came on again. They used the scanner at his work and it had a gear slippage and an EGR problem. So Mike called the dealer he told Mike to drive it tonight and call him in the morning. On the way home Mike called me and said the engine was racing and the breaks were now making noise. So I call the dealer and tell him and he basically argued with me that the breaks were brand new. I said I knew and that he told me if there were brake problems to call him so I was. He said the shop was closed and he would call them the next day. I said OK but what about the other problems. He kind of scuffed it off. I told him I had done my research and that most of the complaints about him were for bad transmissions and that this didn't bode well because this was the second van in 3 weeks with a bad trans. He said well why don't you bring it in tomorrow and I will give you your money back? I said that is just about the point I am at now. He said good than we will do that and then hung up on me. We were there the next morning and he acted like a jerk but I got my money back and  letter from him that basically says that I voluntarily repoed the van. I don't care as long as it is not my headache any more! So much for time for me to have a decent vehicle again. :( So now we are back down to one car and of course needing to be in more than one place at the same time. It doesn't work well but what can you do? So I have decided that time for me means that the dishes and vacuuming can wait till the home work is done and if there is no time after that than it can wait for the next day. It is more important to go to bed with my husband than it is to do the little things that can wait. Homework will always have to take priority to sleep but the other things need to take a back seat to homework. Like right now I am writing this because I needed the mental break even though I have a paper due tonight. I will get it done but now it is time to get a late dinner on the table and feed this hungry man and actually have a conversation that is not me telling him what i am typing for my paper! So just remember that time for you does not have to selfish and it may be more selfish to not take the time you need. You are not doing good for anyone else if you are not doing well by yourself first!