Bid wheel keep on turning....

OK so just because I feel like I am falling apart at the seams does not mean that the world can stop. i really wish it would but here i am just barely keeping myself anchored. feel like I am holding on with all my might and all I have left are my fingertips on the edge of nothingness. Been a long few days as I said last time. I am just barely getting done the things I need to like right now i should be asleep as 4:30 is just about 2 hours away yet here I am sitting here typing out a blog humph!! I had a power point presentation due for my environmental science class tonight and I hate power point!! I just think that there are so many other ways to deliver a presentation and that power point is over played and well overstayed its welcome. I went to a sweet sixteen today and then to my parents to have fathers day dinner with my dad then off to see my kid rushed back here to get my homework done and now I just cant relax. Hubby and both doggy boys are asleep and all three are snoring. Sometimes I wish I could be like them an just lie my head down and be asleep almost instantly. No I am the one who lies awake for hours just trying to get into a position that I will not wake up too sore to move from. Grossest thing ever!! i woke myself up by drooling on my self last night!! Ugh how disgusting!! I am not talking one of those little spittle runs down your cheek I am talking about must have been dreaming about some good eats mouth watering drool gushing out of my mouth and down my cheek and into my hair before I could even sit up and a wet pillow kind of drooling. So gross! Nice now my dog has decided that my pillow should be his so now not only am I going to worry about drowning myself in my own drool I have to worry about choking on dog hair as well. anyone who has or knows about labs can attest to the fact that when they blow coat you will find dog hair everywhere!! this is the first time in his life he has really blown coat. I found dog hair in my clean laundry yesterday morning. there was dog hair in my dish drain, my carpet instead of a nice Green looks black and dingy and I just ran the vacuum yesterday!! His fur is everywhere. I tried to comb him out and it looked like I removed an entire animal from his coat!! when I got done Buddy looked about 15 lbs slimmer than he did before he got combed! He is a funny boy! Brought the boys home some rib bones from my parents. i know blah blah blah don't feed your dogs bones blah blah blah but hey if they were out in the wild and got into some ones trash they would get them an besides they have been eating them their whole lives. anyway they loved the rib bones and Buddy takes his and puts it in his crate. He then goes t his food and water and drinks all of his water. Cosmo goes over by the crate when he finished his bone and Buddy comes tearing across the room to the crate grabs the bone and turns around in the crate effectively turning his back on Cosmo and proceeds to eat his bone. Oh and he likes to catch lightning bugs! I told my husband if he takes the boys out at night and Buddy's poop glows don't worry it is just lightning bugs. He has not perfected the art of catching them does not mean eating them lol. The stupid bugs are EVERYWHERE. Came back in from walking the boys, figured i would change then work on my homework well took my shirt off and felt something just inside the edge of my bra, pull it out and its glowing grrrr freaking lightning bug in my bra!! the woods along side of us are glowing from the thousands if not millions that are in there at night! I do know one thing I would rather have lightning bugs than LOVE BUGS!! at least the lightning bugs are cool to watch and wont ruin the paint on your car!! OK pure randomness tonight! the sweet sixteen I went to today? It was is Merril Park. I have not been there since my 12 year old was about 5 or so. When I used to take her there to see the animals there was an old horse there named King ( thinking that was his name) well one time when my mother was with us she said it was the same horse that has been there since I was little. OK that's cool multigenerational animal entertainment. Is it still possible for that horse to be alive?? I mean it is the same one as when my daughter was younger but could it really be almost 30 years old and be the same one from my childhood? King is very old and half blind. He has a massive cataract in his right eye and his left eye is starting to look milky but isn't too bad yet. He is a sweety but can get a little nippy if you try to touch his face on the right side. I m assuming that this is because he can not see you and it may startle him a little. He seems to be OK with you touching that side as long as you are talking to him or making some noise to remind him you are there. So sad when he walked away from us today he stumbled and he seems to be having a hard time really picking his legs up and he kind of drags his hoofs when he walks reminds me of the lazy teens when they shuffle along. Anyway just getting my thoughts out but now my eyes are tired and I think I can finally rest for about 2 hours maybe even sleep if i don't drowned in a pool of my own drool!!!

sleepless in NJ

Well i am supposed to be trying to sleep but my mind is a blurr of activity right now. Again this morning my daughter was committed to the psych ward. As I have posted before she is a cutter. She has adjustment disorder and it causes depression and she gets suicidal. I wish she would open up to us before it gets to this point! I feel like I am failing my kid and have no idea how to help her anymore! We are at our wits end and so are her other caregivers. Even the hospital is upset with her 3 week turnaround! This is the 3rd hospitalization for suicidal ideation in 3 months!! We have all kinds of support for her and she just keeps turning her nose up at it. I know it doesn't help when the people who called themselves her friends turn out to be back stabbers and talk about her behind her back. do they not realize that if they are not happy with her that is not the way to take care of it?? well I have had about 2 hours of sleep since 4:30 Thursday morning and it is now for all essential purposes after 1 am Saturday morning. Need to sleep but thought that maybe if I could get some of this out that I might feel a little better and calm my mind some. Not too sure it worked but I guess if I do not lie down and try to sleep again I will not know for sure! thanks for reading and I am sure that more will follow!

ugh my head will explode shortly!!

Ugh so my husband had a cold that started on Friday and now he is over it and now I feel like crap!! My head is stuffy my throat is all gunky and my chest feels like I have 50 lbs of weights on it! I cant sleep because I cant breath and I cant breathe cause of the damn stuffiness and this heaviness in my chest. thankfully now almost 4 days into what took him only 2 days to get over I am starting to feel a little better but I am still freezing!! If I didn't know better I would think I had the flu!! My whole body hurts! Mostly my back from coughing :( anyway I hope this passes soon!! I am still not liking my classes but at least I am able to manage and keep B's for now! TY to AAA last night! (Thanks Mom and Tom for adding us) I was finaly able to help my parents out for once! Got Dad's jeep towed to PepBoys to get the 3rd radiator in in less than 6 months grrr hope this one does not explode on him! See it is true no good deed goes unpunished! They tried to be nice and come pick Macie up since I felt like crap and hubby still wasnt 100% and the dang radiator decided to blow coolant all over the place!! Dad and my hubby changed the hose dad thought had blown but nope! Dad poors coolant in and hubby watches it pour out of the radiator it self :( but at least they didnt have to pay for the tow!!

RE:May 24th here I go again...

Just wanted to follow up and say that I think I may have actually said all that I had needed to the other day. I am so tied up with school right now that I can not even think about what I had wanted to say wayyy back then!! Like a week ago is sooo long but for me right now yesterday was forever ago. I am taking two new courses again (courses only last 9 weeks) I have a racial ethics class and a environmental science class. I think that I am going to have problems in my ethics class. First of all I think I am the only white person in class and other than that the class is fairly well diversified. My problem comes in later this week when we start getting into reparations for families of former slaves....I am sorry but as far as I know the last person who was a slave is no longer alive and no one alive owned a slave. My family was share croppers and for those who do not know what that was it means my family was white slaves almost like an indentured servant but out in the fields and there was not a time limit on how long they would be serving for. My great great grandmother who was alive until I was seven delivered the babies for the slaves and handled a lot of their medical care as well. I remember a story my mom told me about when she was a manager for a large company and was filling in for some one on the production line. She was working next to a large black man ( I do not know where his ancestors or he was from so I use black as a general term here describing his skin tone not in anyway derogatory as I really did like this man) While she was working along side of him she was singing a song that randomly popped into her head, one that her grandmother had taught her. "jump down turn a round pick a bale of cotton jump down turn around pick a bale a day" and kept working and singing to herself. the man stopped working and turned to her and said that if anyone had stood next to him and sang that he would have been offended. My mother asked why she did not know that it was an old slave song. the very next time she spoke to mammaw ( her grandmother and my great grandmother) she asked her where she learned that song from and was told about her early years as the child of share croppers. She had learned that song and many others from picking cotton in the fields along side the slaves. So please please please tell me how my family should be forced to pay money to the families of people who they worked with? It seems to me like if some one feels they are being held back over their race and they sue the company for it and the company cuts every ones pay to pay for the law suite then I am paying for something that I had no part in. That is how i feel about reparations to the family of former slaves. if my family help to birth the babies and give general medical care and worked side by side with them then how can I be made to pay their families grrrr frustrating...I know that this is just a concept but it is what it is. I also look at how my ancestors were treated. I have a strong Indian background and Irish background. We were all taught in school about how the Indians were rounded up and moved into reservations well we were taught that they had a choice which is not how it was but OK so be it we are taught that Thanksgiving is a joyous time of celebration. It is not it marks the beginning of the end of the Indian. The accept the white man and then the "white man" takes them over, rounds them up and try to make them assimilate to their culture. Now there are no full blooded Indians left and by 2100 it is assumed that the Indian race will be so mixed as to not even be an option any more on the race selection forms. As for the Irish part of me I heard the stories from my great grand father about sins in store windows saying Irish need not apply. And how the Irish were deemed inferior to the people who were then living in this country. Yes we learned that in school but rarely if at all were we taught that the Irish were bought and sold as slaves as well. I had another though as i was writing this out: For country that was "founded" live liberty and the pursuit of happiness by people fleeing from religious persecution why is there a debate about changing out pledge of allegiance and removing in God we trust from our money? To satisfy a small group of people who may be offended by God?? Why is it OK for a Muslim to drop to their knees and pray Allah in school but we are shunned for folding our hands and offering a prayer to God? We can not offer a moment of silence for the death of a classmate or a teacher because it may infringe upon some one Else's right to not have to pray. I would never push my beliefs on some one else. But as long as i am an American I have a right to those beliefs. I have a right to hang Christmas lights on my home or in my windows, just as some one who is Jewish has a right to place giant menorah on their lawn. some one who celebrates Kwanzaa can have their representation As well. If you do not like it then don't look. If you are offended by freedom of religion and the rights to express it then no one is keeping you here in this country. YOU ARE FREE TO LEAVE!! You have the right to leave because people a long time ago fled here to give you that right. Just like if you do not support the soldiers the men and women out there fighting to keep this country safe. They fight so that you can sit here on your comfy chair or go out in public and hold your signs saying that war is wrong. If you lived in another country you would be shot for voicing your opinion. If you do not stand behind them then feel free to stand in front of them! I have seen that a lot recently on bumper stickers,t-shirts, and on line in various forums. I totally agree and If you do not like what I have to say then do not read it. if that is not good enough for you then go to a place where people are only allowed to have the same views as you. No one is keeping you from leaving this great country. If it is so bad here then leave! This idea also goes for all those who are felt they are owed something from the people here. If your family was a slave and you feel this country owes you something and you are not being treated fairly (not talking about if you are having your rights violated or really are not being treated fairly) feel free to go back to the places that your families come from. I know that I would not stop you!

are there any cars that wont break down every other day?

Where do you go for San Diego auto repair? Repairpal of course :) My cousin is out in San Diego working and his check engine light came on. He called my husband asking if he knew what might be causing it. Uhm hello we are on the coast on the other side of the country?!?! There was no way to know what might be causing the check engine light on his Ford F-150 to be coming on. I took the phone from my husband and told y cousin to go to repair. com and look up the area he was in. I walked him through it step by step including getting in touch with an auto shop from the site. He was quite impressed with the amount of information he could gather before he ever even got in his truck! The first auto shop he called had excellent reviews on repairpal but was too busy to get the truck in to check it out. The mechanic from that first phone call had him check a couple things on his truck to see if they could have been the cause of the check engine light. He had him check his gas cap several times to make sure it was on correctly and tightened down. The second mechanic he called from the user reviews was able to get the truck in and find the problem. My cousin went back to the repairpal site and looked up what the repairs should cost using the estimator and had his truck repaired and returned to him the same day. He did not miss a single day of work and since his truck is his lively hood he was happy to be back on the road!