Virtual office

I have a friend who is a virtual assistant. I was pretty curious about what that all entailed. I started doing some research and found that not only are virtual assistants on the rise entire virtual offices are popping up everywhere!! Some areas are more likely to have them than others. Houston virtual offices are among the biggest growing ones out there. There are entire international corporations using virtual offices. There is even exceptional IT support available. This seems to be a very fast growing field. i hope one day I can work in this type of environment. I think that virtual offices can save money while increasing jobs and bettering customer service. Virtual offices always seemed like a thing of the future but the future is now!

meloncholy madness

I am completely beside myself once again. i feel like I am the only one in the world right no. Am I going crazy or just plain loosing my mind? I feel alone when I am not and like I am all but transparent. I sat in the same room with him for three hours tonight and yet i cant recall a conversation. I am exhausted but cant sleep no matter how hard I try. I ran a bout of nausea for like 6 days from 11'ish at night till 4 am'ish. the last two days the nausea has not been at night and has been very mild. Everyone seems to think I am pregnant because of the nausea but there are many other things that can cause that. Tonight is one of those nights where I could really use a friend and there is no one around. Well it is almost 2am now so what else could I expect right now? i am actually writing in reverse of the way I did this blog. i wrote it out and came back to the beginning and started adding here because i am not really sure I am going to post this. I am not sure this is the right place to vent but then again what options do I have? I can talk  to a friend but they wont understand unless they live it. I can talk t my parents but because I am hurt they are biased. I have a few people I can turn to but they really just don't get it. Yes if you have followed me you know what I am referring to. The Bipolar beast reared its ugly head again the other night. He said things to intentionally hurt me this time. He knows exactly what  what to say to hit below the belt and make me want to give up. here is a little bit of what has been going on: The old pattern of looking up old friends and even older girlfriends strikes again. He can't see it but I am sure it is not coincidence. Two weeks ago you are talking about buying a more stable place for us to live and now you don't want me again. I am very tired. I am not feeling well and well it all  happens at the same time. What else is new? I don't know what to do. I am sure he is not telling his counselor or meds manager the whole truth just what he wants them to know. I am very torn. We all see the depression but he doesn't, so he doesn't tell the meds lady. He has mixed state episodes (mania and depression) and they are only treating with a med for the mania. As a matter of fact the med they are using for the mania is supposed to be used with an antidepressant. The worst part of this whole situation is that he has been saying for the last two years that when he left four years ago and told me he didn't love me that that was the truth now he says no it was the bipolar but this time it isn't. I know his feelings are valid and I am sure he feels that way but last week the man who showers daily went a week with out showering! That is a big tip off to his depression. He has attached himself to a girl he used to know in high school just like he did to a woman named Helen in Florida. Two years ago he reconnected with Andrea and well we now what happened there... I and those who actually know and care about him see the change over the last week or so. I have tried very hard to tell him that I understand that it is how he feels but also that I know he is not in the right state of mind to make a  life changing decision. Leaving your wife is a life changing decision. I know that if he really leaves this time I am done. He has said many times he doesn't want a divorce he just doesn't want to be with me. Well it can not be both ways. If you go we get divorced and there is no coming back this time. I am pretty resigned to the fact that he will go as soon as he has the chance. But if it took him almost 4 years to admit what everyone else knew was happening at that time what happens in a few years when he decides he was in an episode? I know he has not been properly medicated for over four years. He still isn't. I worry for his safety because I have seen him like this before. Last time he ended up in the hospital and not of his own accord. I wish he could get his head straight. I can not keep waiting for him if he leaves. When he goes hes gone. He says he wants to stay friends well that would remain to be seen. I cannot keep my life on hold if he leaves. I am not sure what exactly that means other than I will not sit around and wait for him again. I know he is sick but if he cant or wont see it than I cannot keep doing for him. I almost feel like I suffer more from his bipolar than he does. I am the one who has to be the adult all the time. He has these breakdowns and it leaves everything to me. I am so worried about him. I think I always will no matter what. I love this man with my whole heart. I would go the ends of the earth for him and back. I would do almost anything for him. I just don't know how much more I can take before I loose me to his disorder...
I really hope that he gets what he needs to be whole again because I have really been missing my husband the last two years and well even longer than that but real bad the last two years, even though things have been really good since November he has not been himself.I just really miss him and it is hard when you see the person you love deteriorating right before your eyes. 
I know you wont read this but I love you and I am sorry that you feel the way you do but it is time to do something about it. Maybe not what you think but something. I told you i will not give up on you and that is the truth. I cannot give up on love but I can give up on insanity!

KIDS KIDS KIDS and friends

OK so I love my daughter and I love most of her friends but there are some that just freaking drive me crazy!! Like for instance one of them stopped by today right now and I told him that Macie wasn't here but he was welcome to wait for her since she was at the store. Well it has been almost an hour and no offense I am not made to entertain nosey 13 year old boys!! I think he touched or asked about every single item in my room! I don't mind but when i say no or don't touch that that is what I mean!! My daughters friends are throwing a barbecue today and invited me and Mike. I told them I would make the macaroni salad for them and well i still don't have it from the store and it does take some times to make. I am having a hard time thinking that it is almost 1pm and well they had told me noon. Now how can I have it ready for noon if it is almost 1pm?? Confusing but that is kids for you I guess. On another note over the last few days I have really reconnected with one of my oldest closest friends. It felt like we didn't miss a beat and well we always just kind of pick up where we left off. Some times out of the stress in your life there are very positive things that happen. recently in a disagreement with my daughter she told me how some of my "friends" aren't really my friends and how they don't want me around.. well that is fine... If you don't want me in your life I don't need you in mine! If that is the case than I am better off without you. My daughter had told me that she overheard a certain friend and my sister on the phone and she swears that the friend told my sister she doesn't want me around or at her house. Well OK then that is fine but be a big enough person to tell me yourself.  Anyway I do not always believe what my daughter says. She seems to think that just because I am not constantly on the phone with or hanging out with them all the time that I do not have friends. I know that my friends are my friends and that they are there when I need them and I am there when they need me.... if they ask. I know for a long time my life prevented me from being there. Then for a while I lived a thousand miles away and that made it hard to be there for them but when needed we made arrangements to get some one from NJ to FL when they were in need. There are people I talk to everyday and do not consider friends yet there are some that I barely talk to and they are more than friends they are more like family to me. I never have judged my relationships with my friends. By that I mean that not one of them are more important than the other. Some are closer or older and some are newer or not as close but they all matter to me. Friends play an intricate part in the life of a person and I would not trade my friends for the world. Most of us have gotten married had kids and have our own lives, but let one of us have a problem and all of a sudden we all come crawling out of the woodwork like little bugs comes to feast, yet are are the strands of support uplifting to the one in need. One of us may be the mad one and threaten to kill the person who hurt our friend, or be the one that is angry with God for taking the loved one from our friend, one of us will cry with them, one will be the jokester making everyone laugh, some one has to be the feeder and make us all eat, then there is the shoulderer. the shoulderer is the one who takes it upon themselves to sit back listen and take it all in. They shoulder the brunt of the emotion that is being projected and does not offer advice but rather stays strong. At some point this person will be the one in need and will not seek out the others to do for them as they have done for the others. This person puts a smile on her face and goes about her life like it is any other day even though she is dying inside. When she feels like her whole life is coming apart at the seems she still smiles and does or others as needed. It could be  death a problem with a child, or her spouse, it could be work problem but she never says a word. Last but not least there is the drama queen. You love to hate her, but you love her more. She is usually the first one there for you but has a way to turn it around to be about her. If she cant turn it to be about her she has to constantly one up whatever it is that you have going on. Shes also the one who you don't tell things to that you don't want anyone else to know. You love her and shes always there for you and you hold her dear to your heart. There is one more that many have in their close knit group of friends: the sister. This one if you are around the same age you didn't have a choice but to love shes your sister. You were born to the same family and she was your first playmate and first partner in crime. You became friends by choice. You could fight with your sister and kick her butt or her yours but no body ever better mess with your sister. You look out for one another and no matter how much you two grow apart you are never more than a phone call away. You can tell her anything and know that shes not going to tell anyone, except maybe mom. She is yout pal and confidant. She is your blood and often your lifeline. You have pictured yourself and these old and like the women on Golden Girls many times and I am sure you all know the lyrics to that show and they convey a special meaning to you. You also cannot listen to the theme from Friends without certain images of your friends popping into your head, Thats what friends are for and I am sure there are many more songs that you attribute to your friends. I know i started off on a different path with this entry but I realize that sometimes what you are going to say is not what you need to say. I hope all of my friends understand that I love them near or far, old or new, and close or not so close! You all play a very special part in my life and I thank God all the time for you all. You all seem to have a way of knowing when I need you even if I have been like the shoulderer and not said anything. There are things in my life that i am not proud of that you know about and there are things that I am so proud of I could burst. You have all been there through them all and I know will continue ot be there for me and I for you. We may not talk all the time but when that phone ringes we make sure we answer it. Sometimes we just have an overwhelming urge to call a certain friend or cant get them out of our mind and well that most liekly means we need to call them because there is something going on. We are connected like that. We oten know each other better than we know ourselves. Thank you one and all and if by some chance you don't want me in your life let me know and it can be arranged :) I am not trying to be glibb or sarcastic but I would hate to make one of my friends or people that I consider a friend unhappy. You willnot loose any lit in my eye but maybe actually be even brighter because the honesty is so much more important. There is so much more I wanted to say but now i am drawing a blank. Just please know I love you all and I am thankfull you are in my life. Just an after thought to thise who never bothered to become my friend or even get to know me enough to decide if you wanted to be my friend well it is your loss and well sorry you werent smart enough to make that choice!