All alone

OK well here goes.....
I have been having issues with my husband and he has bi-polar disorder so it can be really rough at times. I have had a tough time of it lately as this episode he is in he stole money from me. this is the first time this has ever happened. Normally if there is a such thing when it comes to bi-polar people he just takes off for a while and then gets back on his meds and everything is OK till the next time. Well how can some one you love so much and have built so much of your life and self upon stealing your rent money ever be OK again? I am not sure I can ever feel OK about him with money ever again. I think I have it easier than a lot of people who's loved one has bi-polar because I am never afraid of him he does not rage out like a lot of b-p patients do he just will have no real memory of what he has done when he comes out of it! Worst part is when hes in an episode he may remember bits and pieces of past episodes. This time around he referred to something he said in the last episode and it was something he said that hurt me more than anything else. He decided that this time around he would reinforce what he had said last time by saying that he wasn't in love with me anymore and to further it he says he has just been using me for sex a place to live and his cell bill paid for the last 14 months! I am so hurt by this even though I know that it his disorder talking. Today he went to a counseling session and the woman sent him immediately to the SKIP mental health care facility where he is staying. they made him wait there for 7 hours and then are making him come back tomorrow!! Everyone including him now realizes that he needs to be regulated on his meds again. I am just wondering where I will stand with him when hes on his meds again. He is a wonderful man most of the time and the good still out ways the bad so I am very undecided as what to do. I can say that the good times still far out way the bad and it seems worth trying to keep more good times coming. With the money he tool we were supposed to pay our rent so on Saturday I had to leave NJ and drive to FL to get what I can out of our house. Later this morning I will be leaving FL to return to NJ with some of our stuff. I had spent the last 4 weeks in NJ getting my daughter settled in school. After the first 3 weeks he took off with the rent. Sunday night when I got here in FL I was supposed to have a few friends over for a welcome home and instead it was a big screw you as i came in to find that the rest of our roommates had moved out as well. So I was left with a 4 bedroom house to clean out and pack up by myself. Tonight as I am trying to get some sleep so I can leave tomorrow it hits me that this is the last time I will sleep in this bed and I am alone with the exception of my dogs and that we will never sleep together in this bed again. It is depressing. I have never felt this way before and I am having a hard time deciphering how I fell. I mean I love this man with all of my heart soul and body. He is my best friend and all that I could ever ask for in a husband. OK well except when he has these episodes but then while it is not an excuse it is a reason he acts this way. I miss him terribly and want nothing more than to work things out with him. I feel like a corny movie line when I say he completes me but he does. There has never been another man that can make me feel like the most beautiful woman alive with just a glance from him. After almost seven years the man can still give me butterflies by just holding my hand. With all this good I still don't know how I can trust him with money ever again. I do not want to leave him and loose this wonderful person and if it weren't for the bi-polar I know he would not have ever done it. By the way he has a delusion associated with the money that he paid the landlord and then borrowed the money to come up here from some guy Jeremy in NYC.....there is no Jeremy in NYC that he knows at all and even if there was he hasn't talked to him ever in the seven years we have been together so who in there right mind would "loan" some one they haven't seen in at least seven years that kind of money??? Ugh I am so distraught over this whole mess. Feels a little better to get some of it out but there will be more. For now off to an empty bed with only my tears to console me.