Not such a good day

Today has been one of those days you never want to repeat. My husband tells me he is getting tired of me being here a little bit(so he went to his appointment alone) my damn bladder decided to be spastic again this morning and my knee is still killing me. I drove all over creation and back today so Mike could apply for jobs but yet I didn't get to apply for anything again today. Now tomorrow we had a few things to do like social services and social security and to put up some guys soffet on his house and hes giving us a car for it. Well now he has to help move is step sister in the morning so what we need to do gets put on hold again...oh yeah and my rear brakes are out on my car and they were supposed to get fixed today and didn't again and now not tomorrow either. I am so frustrated and now I find that I don't even have a hundred bucks to my name and I still need to get my daughters hair cut she needs new sneakers and and turn her cell back on. I hate money!! I truly believe it to be the root of all evil in this world and that the world would be a much better place with out it! Well my life would be anyway as my husband had said that it was the main reason he had left me to begin with, before all the using crap came out. I am just bugging out today. It has been one of those days where nothing seems to go right and even what does go right is still wrong. I feel like I am being pulled in many different directions all at the same time and yet going no where. I did get the first two parts of my orientation completed and still have one more to go tomorrow and if I keep feeling like this I just might stay up tonight to do it. but I don't think it will be posted until after three am here with the time difference between here and Arizona. Oh well looks like while in pain tonight I am sleeping on the floor again with out the aid of an air mattress cause Mike is sleeping on the couch and doesn't want me to set it up cause he says it is OK with out it. So he is OK but I'm not and that is OK in his mind. I am so tired of waiting for him to get regulated on his meds and not knowing where I stand that I am just ready for it all to be over already of course this is not happening fast enough for me at all. I just want my husband back to the way he is supposed to be and quickly but that just isn't happening. I miss the man that I married, the man that talked to me and could tell me anything, the one who confided all of his craziness to me and knew it would be OK because I love him for all of his faults. I accept him for who he is and who he isn't and who he will never be. The past couple of days one of his "friends" has told him he should stay with me cause he seems happier with me and that our relationship is weird. I tried to explain to him that she thinks it is weird because she has never had unconditional love before and that if she had she would understand more and it wouldn't be weird to her. I do not know this persons whole history, only what she and my husband have told me, nor do I want to I just know that in his sleep last night he was fighting with her and telling her to deal cause I am his wife he loves me and that all she is a friend. I am kinda worried that what he tells me in an unconscious state is never going to be in his awake mind again. This worry has been eating at me for a little while now and it scares me. I love this man so much and he has no clue how I could want to still be with him after all that he has done: lied, stolen, cheated, and caused me pain beyond belief. I try to remember at all times that a lot of what has been said and done is from him being sick and that when it counts he is still the man I love but when there are days like today I just sit and wonder if all the things I have read could be true that I should try to keep going on like nothing is wrong and not push him at all but it is very hard. i want my life back and i would like to know if it will include him or not and right now i just don't know and that really sucks bad!! I am mentally and emotionally drained right now and I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. Friday night we had a spat and he threw his wedding ring at me and said that's it I already told you I don't want to be with you and then he put it back on Saturday before we went to see my daughter and I told him he could take it back off if he wanted after we left her and he hasn't yet so that is a good thing I guess and the other day he said wait till he's more stable on his meds to talk about it but ugh so frustrating I wish he could see what we have and not what his mind is showing him. I miss the man that I am in love with and I know he is still here somewhere! I just hope he finds his way out before it is too late.....