life...

Well I was just outside having a smoke with my husband who decided that today he wanted to spend it with me. Not because he had to but because he wanted to. We were outside and talking and he tells me WE need to look for a place. Not him but WE. It took a minute to realize what he was saying. I did realize it and I told him that if this is not the way I am thinking that he needs to tell me so that a year from now he cant come back and say he was using me again and he said OK. I am still leery of this because he is not really regulated on his meds and he is not sleeping right and that makes him think and do things differently then he normally would. I love my husband more than I can ever put into words but that is my issue. He has slipped and said I love you twice since we have been going through this. He still refuses to say it to me unless it is in his sleep. I spent the night with him again last night. He held me in his sleep so tightly that I felt like I could not breathe. He again told me how glad he was that I was here and that he loves me and cant figure out why I would still love him and want to be with him after all that he has done and put me through. The answer to that is because i do love him unconditionally. I always have even before I would admit it to myself i loved him and i will always love him! it will take some time to get over what he has done this time around but he is starting to make real progress in his treatment and he needs to stick with it. I have already told him that he needs to stay on his meds and in treatment and he has to either hold a job or get his disability back and stay on it. We spent yesterday with my (our) daughter at the town fair and he did really well a little groggy from his meds but still he didn't fight with her or me and it was over all very enjoyable. My mom is a little more social with him then I had even hoped for but my dad on the other hand while not speaking to him did not freak on him either. That is good my husband said he never felt so unwelcome in my parents home as he did yesterday and while I fully understand that and it was a little chilly yesterday my father did not tell him to get out or even hint to it. The reason that my father is so angry with him is because I am daddy's little girl and he hurt me so it takes my father a long time to forgive a slight against me and also my parents laid out almost one thousand dollars to get me and my stuff up here from Florida . I can tell that my dad feels like he laid out all this money and has nothing to show for it. i Kind of feel the same way as I could not bring any of my main furniture with me. It kills me that I left behind my bedroom set the most as it was beautiful and homey and I loved it. My living room couches could have been very nice again but they were beat up and needed to be reupholstered so that isn't too much of a loss there but it happens my dining room set was all mismatched so that doesn't bother me too much. Now I just have to start from scratch again and it sucks but I guess in a way I am starting over with my husband so it fits that I m starting over with my belonging too. Wish me luck cause lord knows i need it and if you hear of a job opening let me know....