here comes santa clause here comes santa claus

oh what a few weeks it has been! I finished my first bachelors course last night and i tell you I am so glad it is over! On Dec 2nd my mom went to Texas to visit her family. On Dec 4th my friends Grandma passed passed away and that was really hard to take. She was a special woman. I will never forget making pickles with her, or how when it was cold out she would pick me up for school or when it was raining or hot or we just didnt feel like walking. The next day my sister was in the ER and discharged. then Tuesday (the very next day) she was back in the ER and admitted until Thursday. She as very sick and in a lot of pain. I felt so bad for her. Thursday the viewings were held for grandma Jean. It was very sad. I did a little running around that day. took macie to prebowl for her league (she bowled next to a man from my and my husbands league named Benni he threw an awesome game!), got the place mats for breakfast with santa printed. Stopped to see my sister again and then had to run to the viewing for Grandma Jean. Went and picked up the place mats then went to see my sister again. Got back to my parents house and just started to relax when my sister called me to come and get her she was being discharged (So happy for that :D) so back to the hospital I went. As I was walking in to the hospital to go to where my sister was I hear code stroke ER code stroke ER I looked at the  nurse next to me and said never a dull moment around here huh she smiled and said nope. I did not know how right I was. I get my sister home and fed and the phone rings, My Aunt is calling to ask us to go to the hospital because our great uncle is in ICU and unresponsive. Apparently he had a stroke or a brain hemorrhage. So Jen and I load up Macie and head back to the hospital. It was not good at all. We stayed with our cousins for a bit saw Uncle Pete and listened to the surgeon. We left the hospital at about 9pm and my father called me and told me that Benni went home after he prebowled and had a massive heart attack and died. So Thursday ends. oh forgot Mike got laid off Thursday as well. So Friday we have the funeral services for Grandma Jean and they were really nice. Sad but nice. While at the repass they removed the lifesupport from Uncle Pete and he hung on till about 7:30 that night. Monday and Tuesday were both Uncle Petes and Bennis viewing and services and we did not make it to Bennis. Weds the 7th was my and mikes anniversary. we made 5years and I did not even get to see him. He said it was the only good point in the week. He was a rock for me that week and he wasnt even physically present. I find it amazing that someone can be an hour away and still be such a strong force to help support you. I hope I never have to live through another week like that again!
     So now we are trying to get everything ready for Christmas and I cant wait! Tree is up and decorated along with my living room and kitchen (well kitchen to a point) and I have friends coming to celebrate Christmas eve and then mom and dads house then Uncle Mikes house Christmas day. I am really looking forward to Christmas this year. I dont know why but I guess I just need a happy point to look forward to. I did have a great birthday though. I was with Macie while she bowled and then all three of us went to an awesome friends house for her annual Christmas party and it was a lot of fun!! Onward now! Merry Christmas, Happy Chanuka, Happy Kwanzaa, or what ever you celebrate at this time of year!! hope your holiday are blessed and spent with good food good friends and all of your family! Oh and if I am not back before then have a happy New Year!

Settled in

we are finally settled in and got through my daughters fourteenth birthday, and thanksgiving not in that order but we did it. i gained a new set of love birds over the weekend and well they curse up a storm. i have never heard such foul mouths. lol fowl mouths went through my head but i refrained.  now if i could find some dressers for my room a decent bed that my daughter likes and a a smaller entertainment center i would be all good. well off to school work, started working on my bachelores on the fifteenth  and ugh people are stupid is all i can say.  so off to homework and here is a pic of the love birds.

Sooooo tired!

Well the move is complete and set up is getting there too! We still are looking for a bed for my daughter and an entertainment center/ T.V. stand for the living room. We still need some bedroom furniture for ourselves but can live with what we have or don't have for that matter. My kitchen is just about complete I have more space than I know what to with and we got an awesome leather sectional for the living room FREE!! Gotta love craigslist.... I do! So loving the new place! Very tired though. Was up all night well till about 5am this morning(then been up since about 7:45am). Hubby took his parents to the airport in Philly for their flight out to my mother in laws graduation. We wanted so badly to be there for her but sometimes what you want most just cant happen. But we are so proud of her and how hard she has worked to get this degree. Speaking of school I start back on November 15th. It is the soonest that financial can be ready for me. BOOOOOO!!! I want to be back in classes now!! As I sit here and nod out I will bid you all a good night! I really did plan to say sooo much more but I really am just sooo tired tonight!

Here we go!!..... Again!

So a different text color today because I am in a better place than I have been recently. We are moving! Yes again but it has been almost 15 months in this place and well our landlady is a complete moron. She refused rent from us and then filed for eviction. We are done with her games! I cant take it any more. We are moving to the southern part of NJ about 30 miles outside of Atlantic City to a town called Atco (any drag racing enthusiasts will recognize that town!) We found a bigger place for less and where the landlord isn't a tyrant or just looking to make money off of a crappy apartment. I mean money drives the world but hes really cool about our age and basically as long as we don't damage it and no one complains we have free run of the place. There will be 2 little girls living next to and two little girls above us as well. I am actually looking forward to moving in there. Yes there are still issues and problems that are going on with me and my hubby but this is a big step in the right direction and as long as we keep communicating and stay open with each other and who ever we are seeing I believe that everything will be fine. I have to believe that right now :) So wish us luck and I will get pics up as soon as I can!

Virtual office

I have a friend who is a virtual assistant. I was pretty curious about what that all entailed. I started doing some research and found that not only are virtual assistants on the rise entire virtual offices are popping up everywhere!! Some areas are more likely to have them than others. Houston virtual offices are among the biggest growing ones out there. There are entire international corporations using virtual offices. There is even exceptional IT support available. This seems to be a very fast growing field. i hope one day I can work in this type of environment. I think that virtual offices can save money while increasing jobs and bettering customer service. Virtual offices always seemed like a thing of the future but the future is now!

meloncholy madness

I am completely beside myself once again. i feel like I am the only one in the world right no. Am I going crazy or just plain loosing my mind? I feel alone when I am not and like I am all but transparent. I sat in the same room with him for three hours tonight and yet i cant recall a conversation. I am exhausted but cant sleep no matter how hard I try. I ran a bout of nausea for like 6 days from 11'ish at night till 4 am'ish. the last two days the nausea has not been at night and has been very mild. Everyone seems to think I am pregnant because of the nausea but there are many other things that can cause that. Tonight is one of those nights where I could really use a friend and there is no one around. Well it is almost 2am now so what else could I expect right now? i am actually writing in reverse of the way I did this blog. i wrote it out and came back to the beginning and started adding here because i am not really sure I am going to post this. I am not sure this is the right place to vent but then again what options do I have? I can talk  to a friend but they wont understand unless they live it. I can talk t my parents but because I am hurt they are biased. I have a few people I can turn to but they really just don't get it. Yes if you have followed me you know what I am referring to. The Bipolar beast reared its ugly head again the other night. He said things to intentionally hurt me this time. He knows exactly what  what to say to hit below the belt and make me want to give up. here is a little bit of what has been going on: The old pattern of looking up old friends and even older girlfriends strikes again. He can't see it but I am sure it is not coincidence. Two weeks ago you are talking about buying a more stable place for us to live and now you don't want me again. I am very tired. I am not feeling well and well it all  happens at the same time. What else is new? I don't know what to do. I am sure he is not telling his counselor or meds manager the whole truth just what he wants them to know. I am very torn. We all see the depression but he doesn't, so he doesn't tell the meds lady. He has mixed state episodes (mania and depression) and they are only treating with a med for the mania. As a matter of fact the med they are using for the mania is supposed to be used with an antidepressant. The worst part of this whole situation is that he has been saying for the last two years that when he left four years ago and told me he didn't love me that that was the truth now he says no it was the bipolar but this time it isn't. I know his feelings are valid and I am sure he feels that way but last week the man who showers daily went a week with out showering! That is a big tip off to his depression. He has attached himself to a girl he used to know in high school just like he did to a woman named Helen in Florida. Two years ago he reconnected with Andrea and well we now what happened there... I and those who actually know and care about him see the change over the last week or so. I have tried very hard to tell him that I understand that it is how he feels but also that I know he is not in the right state of mind to make a  life changing decision. Leaving your wife is a life changing decision. I know that if he really leaves this time I am done. He has said many times he doesn't want a divorce he just doesn't want to be with me. Well it can not be both ways. If you go we get divorced and there is no coming back this time. I am pretty resigned to the fact that he will go as soon as he has the chance. But if it took him almost 4 years to admit what everyone else knew was happening at that time what happens in a few years when he decides he was in an episode? I know he has not been properly medicated for over four years. He still isn't. I worry for his safety because I have seen him like this before. Last time he ended up in the hospital and not of his own accord. I wish he could get his head straight. I can not keep waiting for him if he leaves. When he goes hes gone. He says he wants to stay friends well that would remain to be seen. I cannot keep my life on hold if he leaves. I am not sure what exactly that means other than I will not sit around and wait for him again. I know he is sick but if he cant or wont see it than I cannot keep doing for him. I almost feel like I suffer more from his bipolar than he does. I am the one who has to be the adult all the time. He has these breakdowns and it leaves everything to me. I am so worried about him. I think I always will no matter what. I love this man with my whole heart. I would go the ends of the earth for him and back. I would do almost anything for him. I just don't know how much more I can take before I loose me to his disorder...
I really hope that he gets what he needs to be whole again because I have really been missing my husband the last two years and well even longer than that but real bad the last two years, even though things have been really good since November he has not been himself.I just really miss him and it is hard when you see the person you love deteriorating right before your eyes. 
I know you wont read this but I love you and I am sorry that you feel the way you do but it is time to do something about it. Maybe not what you think but something. I told you i will not give up on you and that is the truth. I cannot give up on love but I can give up on insanity!

KIDS KIDS KIDS and friends

OK so I love my daughter and I love most of her friends but there are some that just freaking drive me crazy!! Like for instance one of them stopped by today right now and I told him that Macie wasn't here but he was welcome to wait for her since she was at the store. Well it has been almost an hour and no offense I am not made to entertain nosey 13 year old boys!! I think he touched or asked about every single item in my room! I don't mind but when i say no or don't touch that that is what I mean!! My daughters friends are throwing a barbecue today and invited me and Mike. I told them I would make the macaroni salad for them and well i still don't have it from the store and it does take some times to make. I am having a hard time thinking that it is almost 1pm and well they had told me noon. Now how can I have it ready for noon if it is almost 1pm?? Confusing but that is kids for you I guess. On another note over the last few days I have really reconnected with one of my oldest closest friends. It felt like we didn't miss a beat and well we always just kind of pick up where we left off. Some times out of the stress in your life there are very positive things that happen. recently in a disagreement with my daughter she told me how some of my "friends" aren't really my friends and how they don't want me around.. well that is fine... If you don't want me in your life I don't need you in mine! If that is the case than I am better off without you. My daughter had told me that she overheard a certain friend and my sister on the phone and she swears that the friend told my sister she doesn't want me around or at her house. Well OK then that is fine but be a big enough person to tell me yourself.  Anyway I do not always believe what my daughter says. She seems to think that just because I am not constantly on the phone with or hanging out with them all the time that I do not have friends. I know that my friends are my friends and that they are there when I need them and I am there when they need me.... if they ask. I know for a long time my life prevented me from being there. Then for a while I lived a thousand miles away and that made it hard to be there for them but when needed we made arrangements to get some one from NJ to FL when they were in need. There are people I talk to everyday and do not consider friends yet there are some that I barely talk to and they are more than friends they are more like family to me. I never have judged my relationships with my friends. By that I mean that not one of them are more important than the other. Some are closer or older and some are newer or not as close but they all matter to me. Friends play an intricate part in the life of a person and I would not trade my friends for the world. Most of us have gotten married had kids and have our own lives, but let one of us have a problem and all of a sudden we all come crawling out of the woodwork like little bugs comes to feast, yet are are the strands of support uplifting to the one in need. One of us may be the mad one and threaten to kill the person who hurt our friend, or be the one that is angry with God for taking the loved one from our friend, one of us will cry with them, one will be the jokester making everyone laugh, some one has to be the feeder and make us all eat, then there is the shoulderer. the shoulderer is the one who takes it upon themselves to sit back listen and take it all in. They shoulder the brunt of the emotion that is being projected and does not offer advice but rather stays strong. At some point this person will be the one in need and will not seek out the others to do for them as they have done for the others. This person puts a smile on her face and goes about her life like it is any other day even though she is dying inside. When she feels like her whole life is coming apart at the seems she still smiles and does or others as needed. It could be  death a problem with a child, or her spouse, it could be work problem but she never says a word. Last but not least there is the drama queen. You love to hate her, but you love her more. She is usually the first one there for you but has a way to turn it around to be about her. If she cant turn it to be about her she has to constantly one up whatever it is that you have going on. Shes also the one who you don't tell things to that you don't want anyone else to know. You love her and shes always there for you and you hold her dear to your heart. There is one more that many have in their close knit group of friends: the sister. This one if you are around the same age you didn't have a choice but to love shes your sister. You were born to the same family and she was your first playmate and first partner in crime. You became friends by choice. You could fight with your sister and kick her butt or her yours but no body ever better mess with your sister. You look out for one another and no matter how much you two grow apart you are never more than a phone call away. You can tell her anything and know that shes not going to tell anyone, except maybe mom. She is yout pal and confidant. She is your blood and often your lifeline. You have pictured yourself and these old and like the women on Golden Girls many times and I am sure you all know the lyrics to that show and they convey a special meaning to you. You also cannot listen to the theme from Friends without certain images of your friends popping into your head, Thats what friends are for and I am sure there are many more songs that you attribute to your friends. I know i started off on a different path with this entry but I realize that sometimes what you are going to say is not what you need to say. I hope all of my friends understand that I love them near or far, old or new, and close or not so close! You all play a very special part in my life and I thank God all the time for you all. You all seem to have a way of knowing when I need you even if I have been like the shoulderer and not said anything. There are things in my life that i am not proud of that you know about and there are things that I am so proud of I could burst. You have all been there through them all and I know will continue ot be there for me and I for you. We may not talk all the time but when that phone ringes we make sure we answer it. Sometimes we just have an overwhelming urge to call a certain friend or cant get them out of our mind and well that most liekly means we need to call them because there is something going on. We are connected like that. We oten know each other better than we know ourselves. Thank you one and all and if by some chance you don't want me in your life let me know and it can be arranged :) I am not trying to be glibb or sarcastic but I would hate to make one of my friends or people that I consider a friend unhappy. You willnot loose any lit in my eye but maybe actually be even brighter because the honesty is so much more important. There is so much more I wanted to say but now i am drawing a blank. Just please know I love you all and I am thankfull you are in my life. Just an after thought to thise who never bothered to become my friend or even get to know me enough to decide if you wanted to be my friend well it is your loss and well sorry you werent smart enough to make that choice!

Oh WOW!!

It always amazes me how fast time flies by! It seems like just the other day I was writing about how nervous I was to start school but now I am almost done. Graduation is on Sunday and I finish my last class one week later. I am still trying to get my bachelors all set to start but it should only be a few weeks away. I am nervous but excited as well. There is not much you can do with an associates degree in psychology that is for sure. I just worry that once I am done with the degrees I am going to end up just like I did after I finished the medical assistant EKG phlebotomy and iv tech classes. Still jobless. I mean not like i didn't try to find a MA job but i don't speak Spanish and that held me back over and over again. i will not learn a foreign language to work in the country I was born raised and still live in. Any way the last few years have flown by! So much has happened and so much more will continue to happen... I just hope it is more good than bad from here out but I know that it is only as good as you let it be!!

I love it! These shirts are awesome!

     I was looking for a great gift for a few of the men in my life namely my father and father in law. What do you get a man who has everything? Better yet what to get them when they are sarcastic and love gifts with a huge shock factor? Offensive and/or a funny t-shirt!! For my dad's birthday back in April my daughter husband and I found a perfect t-shirt for him. But now how do we out do our selves for the next gift?? Well I was browsing and came across this site that sells these type of t-shirts. They sell for men and women but I think I have found the next gifts. Too bad I found it today and my father in laws birthday is tomorrow so I cannot get it in time. I cannot wait for Christmas so I can hand the father in law a gift that he will totally love, use, and never forget! Check them out I just bet you can find something that will fit for a great gift or just for your self! Not for those easily offended! Funny and offensive t-shirts for everyone!!!

Another day still without a dollar...

I HATE BEING BROKE!! I will be glad when I am done with some more of my schooling so that I can work in a job that pays more than minimum wage and where at least I may be helping someone at some point. Now I am looking at a government freeze on my hubby's and daughter's benefits and wondering if they do this how we are going to get by until they restore benefits to them. I have been taking every mystery shopping assignment I can and every survey I can and anything I can to try and make some money. Any ideas on anything else I can really? I have to watch how much time I spend doing these type of things because i still have to make sure there is enough time for school and taking care of those ho need to be taken care of. 
         On a different note my father in law had a stroke about a month ago he is doing well right now and working towards doing great, my daughter graduated from her  program, my brother in law is back with us for now as he may have lung cancer... I am almost done with my associates degree I am in week 5 of 9 of my last class!! Graduation ceremony is on Aug 21st  I am real excited and just cant wait! Just found out  friend of mine was diagnosed with lupus today. While i know that is a hard diagnosis and she must be scared and worried it is manageable. I wish her the best of luck and hope she knows that I here for her even though I am so far away my ears work real well and shes not sooo far that if she needed me that I couldn't get there... glad she has a boyfriend that seems to be doing everything she needs for her right now. It is about time she has found someone who treats her the way she has always treated everyone else. Now if she will just slow down and take the time she needs to heal and get her condition under control... i was watching ice road truckers last night and it made me think of tony. I saw them do an old truckers trick with ethanol in the tire and i thought wow I gotta ask tony if he ever did that and I started to cry. funny how you can miss someone you almost never saw when the opportunity to see them at all has been taken away from you. In short appreciate the people you have in your life. make time for them all even if it is just a small amount, you will cherish those times when those people are no longer there to make new times with. that sounds so cliched but it is so true. take time for the friends and family that you have because tomorrow they may not be there!

here we go again

     SOOOOO much is going on that I am surprised that I am even able to post anything! My hubby has finally gotten on some new meds and while they are not the ones we were waiting for he is staying awake for the most part. He was prescribed the stimulants to stay awake but his meds manager for his bipolar changed his meds so he is not taking the stimulant unless needed. I am a little upset that it took over two years for them to change his meds after we had all said something had to give but what is done is done and we cant change it now. time to move forward. My daughter is almost doe with her program now she has been in this 6-9 week program for almost 5 months and she is now like a different person. I feel like I have my litle girl back well mabe not but it s sooo much better than it has been in the last few years. i am almost done with my associates degree. As of right now I have 6 weeks and 3 days left untill I finish (aug 28th)but there are only 5 weeks and 3 days untill graduation (aug 21st). I am pretty excited. this is a huge accomplishment for me. I really never thought that I would ever go back to school and get a degree no less looking forward to staying in school and get another and then a masters and even a doctorate. I know this will take time and I might have about another 10 years of school to get through before I get to that point but I relly want it. I mean 10 years sounds like a lot of time and true it is but think back over the last 10 years and you most likely will find yourself saying where has the time gone? That seems like it was yesterday!! 10 years ago my daughter was 3 and I feel like I can remeber every day and onder where that time went. 15 years ago I was still hanging out with my friends and living it up as we thought we should. I can reember going to Rocky Horror every friday and  sleep overs and doing the things we knew we shouldnt be but being young enough not to care. I dont know why it all seems like it was just the other day. Yes I do because time is relevent. Sit at the doctors office for 3 hours wehn you dont feel well or be at home sick and fll asleep for 3 hours and youwill know what I mean. Just like waiting for the last bell to ring at the end of the school day that last  inute time seemed to go backards instead of forward. But be one minute before curfew and the time seems to be going twice as fast (still no excuse for being late getting home young lady!!) but 10 years is a large chunk of time. If I do not do it then i will always wonder what if I had. Then again 10 years is over in no time at all and then I have what I have already set the foundation for and can use for the rest of my life! Enough rambling off to bed many cars to work on tomorrow and never enough timein the day to get them all done... See time is relevant!!

Everybody Loves Raymond

Guest post of the week by Deangelo Spencer




A show that will probably, one day, be deemed a classic: Everybody Loves Raymond. I find it hard to imagine a “family show” currently running with more humor, silly anecdotes, and “gut-busting” laughter than this. I always watch my favorite show on directstartv.com and even though it is now only re-runs€”still find myself chucking to each and every episode.



The writing for this show is superb and the all-star cast cannot be beat; Ray Romano, Patricia Heaton, Brad Garrett, Doris Roberts, and Peter Doyle as, the difficult to live with, Frank Barone. The chemistry shared between all these cast members is something of magic; they seem to feed off of one another's energy.



Ranked very high as one of the most-watched T.V shows of all time, Everybody Loves Raymond will bring any viewer to laughter in only a matter of minutes. The real humor is gained from the fact Raymond's parents live right across the street and are constantly coming over unannounced and uninvited to create chaos and stir up turmoil.



In an effort to live up to its name, everyone does love Raymond regardless of the foolish and childish antics he is many times a party to. This show is just as funny and captivating today as the day it first aired and will most likely be enjoyed for generations to come.

So very sad!

Been a long few days one of the people I grew up with has passed away.  He was one of the most gentle men I ever met but at the same time I would totally never want him mad at me. Actually I don't ever remember him being mad at me! He was a huge teddy bear with the heart to go with it. I will always hold him near and dear to my heart and he will live on forever in my memories. My only regret where he is concerned is that I did not have more time with him. He was a man that I thought the world of and always there to make me laugh when I needed it. I feel like  piece of me died the other day and that makes me so sad for his actual family. His daughters have always been the best of friends to me even when we were threatened with dish duty for fighting over stupid stuff. I wont ever forget the stories he told when my dad and him went on truck runs together and swear they saw Bigfoot in the Vermont mountains or how much of a kick he got out of his wife thinking my sister was stuck on her head at a dance recital and how he still loved to tell that story over 20 years later. He always made me feel at home and always had a warm word and a big hug for me. I will never forget the first time I heard his voice and it scared me but once I got past that and got to know him that voice was a comfort. I will surely miss you and remember you always. I know that it is not much now but I hope you know how much you always meant to me and that just because you are gone does not mean that you will ever mean anything less to me! There are no real words that can express this loss and my heart goes out to your family. For my pain pales in comparison to theirs of that I am sure. Good byes are forever so I will have to say until we meet again because I know one day I will hear the Bigfoot story from you again! Now I have to go and grill some food :)

This is the day that I would prefer not to relive

Last night my husband spent the night in the hospital for a sleep study. My daughter was at my moms. And my brother in law is staying with some friends in Pennsylvania for a while. I had the whole house to myself. So I cleaned a little and did my homework and even managed to freak myself out with some ghost hunters on TV...I finally fell asleep between 4:30 and 5:00 am. I got up and took an almost 2 hour drive down the shore to my aunt's house to go find her a new computer. On my way down there the car ran great but i heard a slight squealing noise. Once I picked her up and we got back on the parkway there was an intense burning rubber smell and we thought it was just the car in front of us or the construction that was going on. Boy were we wrong!! The power steering pump on my car was going bad and it chose today to finally give out.... Now I work in a repair shop and I know my car but these guys decided I didn't know what I was talking about!! Ugh men! Just because I have uhm well lets see a different anatomy does not mean that I do not know what is wrong with my car!! So I tell the guys what is wrong and the dude is like uh well we will check it out and let you know! Uhm duh I just told you so I leave my car there and then about a half hour later they call me and tell me you were right it is the power steering pump but that the pulley snapped off at the shaft and that if it weren't for the motor mount that the whole pulley would have come off and I would have been stuck. Uhm no i wouldn't I have AAA . So anyway my aunt tells me to have them fix it now I owe her almost $500 for the repairs... I don't know where this money is coming from but I will figure it out I am sure. I had to have my mom pick up my husband from the hospital and I did not even make it back home until almost 9 pm then the roast I had in the slow cooker/ crock pot was so over done it was dry. I am not happy about that but at least it still tasted good. Anyway it has been a long day following an even longer night and from the looks of it I will not get much sleep tonight because that long ride down to my aunts gave the sun enough tie to burn my arm shoulder and the side of my face and throat....at least there is proof I was wearing my seatbelt!  Off to shower than sleep I hope!

crazy crazy days

Well it has been a crazy month!! Working like nuts and almost never  a day off! Been doing all kinds of stuff at the shop...paper work, ordering parts, handling customers, working on the web site and updating our listing on others. the shop has been slow so I have spent the last few weeks reorganizing EVERYTHING!! I am not kidding form moving stuff to redoing the files and even organizing the supplies. I bought myself new pens since they all seem to disappear and the pretty girly pastel colors too. They are being taken as well....what man wants to walk around with  bright pink pen?!?! but they are doing it lol. things have been going well other wise.... well other than an asinine landlord who thinks she is above the law that is. But whatever...Life is good and so am I!! 

What a day today will be!

Today is going to be one of those days where I wish I hadnt crawled out of bed! Have to run the work van through inspection and still leave at 10 to make a meeting for my daughter by 10:30 in New Brunswick. I am in Plainfield. Doesnt sound too bad right? Well add in I just had to run someone to a school to take care of something for their kid, and I still have to get through inspection and it is almost 9am now. I hate days like this. I had such a hard time pulling myself out of bed this morning! I think all of the nonstop running I have been doing is starting to take its toll on me. Not just physically but mentaly as well. I am starting to feel like I cant accompllish small tasks because I loose my train of thought and just cant get it back. Yesterday I really saw it. I was trying to register the shop on a website and the one guy needed to use the computer and he kept closing out my window. Every time he did that I had to start all over because I had not yet made it to the point where the information I provided had been saved. What took me all day should have had taken no more than a half hour. I could not handle a phone call and an e-mail at the same time. I at one point could handle 4 incoming lines, e-mail, customers in front of me, temps in front of me, and other employees without a hitch! I can barely concentrate on one phone call at a time right now! I think that I need a mental vacation. I need a whole day of sleep and time to rest my brain! I guess I am going to have to struggle through because I still have homework to do and my final to finish for Sunday. I am going to pass my algebra class then in 18 weeks I am ging to finish my associates degree and start my bachelores! The last three classes should prove to be smooth sailing for me. They are psych classes that I feel are not going to teach me much but that I will be glad I can finaly say that I have credit for my knowledge. I know I will be ok again I just feel like I am not capable of getting through the rest of the day and forget about tomorrow! Yet somehow I always manage to get through it and usually with a smile for everyone that I encounter. What more could I ask for?

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cars cars cars!

So no matter what I do I can't seem to get away from cars. I just saw a new 2011 Hyundai Genesis today.I mean I have seen them before but this was upclose and real personal! I got to see the car and the interior and even under the hood! I love this car! The Hyundai Genesis sedan in saphire blue. I love blue bit this car was soooo pretty! I am not sure that pretty is what the makers had in mind but it definately describes this car! I think I have found my next car! I really liked the way this car drove when I had to take it out for a test drive today. I wish I could by a Hyundai Genesis car on the spot!

long day at work

Had a very long day at work today :( I feel like it lasted from the time I got up this morning until right now.I had not planned to work today but when I got there to drop the hubby off, boss man had somethings for me to do. It took me forever to register the business on chamber of commerce site because some one kept closing out my window on the computer and I had to keep redoing it over and over again. Today's work focused on generating customers. We are at the point of getting ready to stand on the street corner and hand out business card or flyers! the boss man/owner wants us to come up with new ideas to get people in the door. I have a few ideas but they are not working out the way that I would like them to. So I prowled the web for a while today trying to figure this one out. I found a site that offers an initial free consultation for business owners that what to draw clients and who consider themselves experts int heir field. The consultants are picked from a pool of people and it appears that you can get three consultants to answer your business questions. It is then up to you and that constant to continue or for you to walk away. It seems pretty straight forward. now just to get my boss man to the site to try it out!

To move or not to move that is the question

So I am missing some of the warmer weather that I became used to while living in Florida. I do not miss the bugs, the rain, the bugs, the humidity, the bugs, the lack of work, or did I mention the bugs? I thought just for fun I would look up other places to live and of course I had to start with Texas as that is one of my favorite places to be. I then looked at Arizona since that is where my grandparents are at (and I am a student by extension lol) and it is hot dry and there are a lot less bugs than anywhere else I have ever been! While prowling the Internet to see what was out there I found Fire Rock Country Club Fountain Hills. It is beautiful! I am not much of a golfer but might be swayed into a game on this course if there was ever a chance for it. The homes that are available on this property are AMAZING!!! I was looking at the pictures and if I had I few million laying around I would buy my dream home right now! You should go look at these houses! I wish I wish I wish....darn Ruby slippers are broken again :(

ugh soo bored!!

I am sooo bored! How do people do this all the time every day? I have been here at work since 8am and we have only had 2 cars come in all day :( This makes for a very boring day. I did my homework  already and there is only so much time you can spend on facebook. I helped my daughter register for the ALS walk that is happening on  May 1st 2011 that we are both participating in. I knew some one who died from this awful disease and I hate that there is no known cause or cure. ALS is also called Lou Gehrig's Disease. My daughter, Macie, has set a goal of raising $1,000 for the ALS Association. I hope that she beats her goal and that I can at least make mine. Macie has created a letter asking people for their support by donations. Let's hope that we both go above and beyond what we have set as our goals! Well the boss is back now so we can try to get out of here and go feed our kid. She worked her little butt off today with her first photography job. The work website needs to be updated with new photos and she took a ton for us! so go check out http://www.megaautoservice.com/ and see what it looks like for now and when the updates are I will post the link again so that you can see the amazing photography skills of my 13 year old daughter! So excited she could have a real career in photography if she chooses to pursue it!! If you need car work done this is the place to go. Well you could always just call or message me or Mike but if it is a Sunday this is where we work at and they do it all from oil changes to engine changes! Sorry no body work. Off to eat and bowl!! Hope you all have a great day!

Sick again

I am sick again.....grrr I hate getting sick seem like hubby and I are passing it back and forth...I am so congested and my chest hurts soooo much from coughing!other than to use the bathroom I only got out of bed twice today once because hubby made me go get soup other than ramen noodles and the second time because I had the 2nd and third week of my BILY group. The because I love you group is pretty cool it is all about empowering parents who have lost control in their own lives and homes. I was so not missing that tonight.  I am glad I went. Sometimes I have to remember no matter how bad things seem to be there are other people who have it worse than I do. I am a little peeved with my husbands doctor as they are weening him off of one medication and not replacing it so he will back on just the one med that he was on last time he ended up in the hospital...I am very perturbed why are they doing this when it did not work 15 months ago why would they think it would work now?!!? well we will see what happens! Just wish luck and strength for the upcoming weeks!

Need a consultant?

Many of you own a  company or are thinking of starting a company. How do you start? What do you do? Where do you start? Finances? Where are they coming from? How do you make payroll? You find a consultant. there are many people out there who will come in and consult with you to try to find the best solutions to your business situations.  Finding consultants has just gotten easier! You can find them online! They are easier to find than ever before and at a great value too! there are new sites out there that offer a consultant directory. and some even offer job portals for some one looking to work as a consultant. This site was easy to use and I would have loved to find a consultant for hire that would have made a difference in my business!

blogging from my phone

Ok this is try number two. The other night while watching chef ramsey's kitchen nightmares a food blogger/critic was blogging from her table. I was ohhh there has got to be an app for that. So while at work and bored today between customers I found the app. There have been many times that I have been out and about and there has been something I wanted to share but did not have access to my computer to blog it. Well now I have the app for that :) Please bear with me while I learn my new app. For those of you who know and those who dont, I have T-mobile's G2. I love my swype text entry. I made a big deal about getting the G2 because it had a keyboard and the my touch did not. Now i am so happy I got the keyboard! I can't imagine typing all of this with swype or the touch keyboard. It would take me forever! Maybe since i have this app IWill post more regularly....now where is the spell check?

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blogging from my phone

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mony money money

Ever have the days were you wonder where the money to pay your bills is coming from? I feel like that most of the time. Money is the root of all evil in my life. I feel like if the money were there most of my problems would go away. How do people survive? Rent, gas, electric, car insurance, gas for the cars, and ugh the credit cards! I am glad that I don't have a lot of them, but the payments still stink. I hate credit card debt. No matter what you do you, unless you pay in full, you loose money. The interest rates taxes fees and surcharges add up to way more than the purchase originally cost. Don't even think about if your payment is late! I am tired of "robbing Peter to pay Paul". I found a site quite by accident actually, PayingPaul.com . This site helps to link up people with debt consolidation companies. There are even special programs for active military outside of the United States. It looks like this site mostly is for help with credit card debt. I am sure they have other help like for bills and loans but it seems like all of America has credit card debt of some kind. This site is worth the look if you are looking to consolidate debt and stop robbing Peter to pay Paul!

sad sad day

     Today (well yesterday now) we learned of the death of a close friend. Peggialmalinn (AKA: Rayne or Peggie or Peg) passed away over the weekend. Cremation was Tuesday and there were no services. The circumstances surrounding her death are not completely clear yet. Rayne was Mike's girlfriend for a short time. They remained friends and her and I became quick friends. She was often a person I turned to who could listen to me an shed some light on why some one did some of the things they did. She helped to make some sense of a sometimes insane world. She gave me some hope when all I felt was despair. I fell like a big part of me is gone. I am so heart broken for her mother. A few weeks ago Rayne's grandfather passed away and then with her passing this past weekend her mother has had so much taken from her. My heart hurts to just think about loosing my father and daughter so close together. I just am praying for strength for her because that is the only thing I can think of that could possible help her right now.  Rayne's best friend is a girl I love to death. Tiffany is an awesome person whom would do anything for those she cares about including putting her own neck on the line if need be. Tiff and Rayne recently had a falling out that we all thought would have been remedied by now. Tiffany is so distraught because the last words between them were harsh to say the least. She is worried that rayne may not have known that she loved her because they had been fighting. the truth is that they both missed each other. Rayne never said it in so few words but she always asked me if i had talked to her. She asked more than once if i was sure she was OK. I wish I could have told Tiff that Rayne was OK but I couldn't because I didn't know for sure. I am going to miss my friend. Tiff will miss her to the extreme as much as they were friends they were more than that. I tried to tell Tiff that love never dies. It is always there it changes and grows and can sometimes seem like it is gone but it is always there. Rayne knows how much Tiff loves her. She knows how much we all love her. I think that I will have another someone to watch over me and guide me. I know that with all she had going on with herself that all of her problems are over and there is no more pain of any kind for her but the pain here with those of us left behind is not easy to handle right now. My heart hurts for her mom and for her family as a whole, for her friends and for all the lives she touched. Regardless of whatever choices she made she was a beautiful and caring person and I will always remember her as that! I hope that where ever you maybe you are looking down on me and smiling! I will miss you my friend until we meet again!

Php programer??

Well we all know that I troll the web regularly.a few minutes ago, while job searching I came across a site that must have been miscategorized. I was looking for my field (customer service, medical assistant, EKG, phlebotomy, or entry level psychology work) and I found a site for those looking for a PHP programmer jobs. I had no idea what PHP was so I looked it up. Seems pretty cool! I am not sure if there is a difference between what a PHP developer and a PHP programmer do but this site allows employers to list PHP programmer and developer jobs. I know a lot of you out there are working in computers and since I found out that PHP is used to create web pages, and I know at least one of my friends creates web pages, that I would share this. I did not take the time to look into where the jobs are but I figured everyone can search for themselves. I also know that sometimes freelance work is done from home. As I said i did not take time to really look at the site just clicked around a bit. from what I can tell if you are looking for a PHP programmer or developer this may be an inexpensive way to find one. I know some of you own a companies and maybe you need something like this for your business. I don't know but it seemed really cool so I thought I would share it!I found the site easy to decipher and actually very well set up for a job board type site! Happy Hunting!!

Happy valentines day!

Happy valentines day to all.... Hubby tried to take me to Red Lobster 2 1/2 hour wait for a table. We told them they could keep their table and went to TGI Fridays. told 20 minute wait, waited 30 mins had an excellent meal then they tried to kill us with nuts....it happens I heard our server tell them NO NUTS and yet the dessert came out with nuts...then they couldn't remake the dessert because all the other brownies were loaded with nuts... the place ran out of ribs and shrimp and wow so much. Other than dessert which one we got up we were glad we didn't get too full from dinner, it was great! So since today was great wondering what kind of curve ball tomorrow will bring :/

oh where oh where has my warm gone??

     I am sitting here freezing and sick. I keep wondering why I moved back to NJ from the liquid sunshine of Florida. This year we have already had 57 inches of snow and 3 inches of ice. We were with out power for more than 10 hours. I have broken two shovels an laid a million pounds of salt already. Now they are telling me that we have more snow coming tonight into tomorrow (Friday-Saturday) and then more snow Tuesday and then Thursday. My daughter has had more snow days this school year than she has had all the years combined. My husband has been complaining about the snow but he is yet to have to shovel it! It makes me dream of warm weather again. I was looking at warmer climates to move to and somewhere I have never been. California is just about the only warm place here in the US that I have not been to. I started looking in and around California. San Diego is beautiful! the climate is warm there are beaches and so many other wonderful things to do! I am not sure if I would ever move completely across the country from my family but right while surrounded with mile high piles of fluffy white crap it is so very tempting. One of the things about Sand Diego that caught my eye is the San Diego Zoo. I know people who have been there and they have deemed it one of the best experiences of their life.  I have been looking into maybe at least visiting San Diego before I would move there and right now moving there is not an option but a very nice thought :). I wondered what would i do with my time if I did move there. San Diego has tons of museums, malls, beaches, parks, nightlife, shopping, and just about everything you could ever want to do including amusement parks and a whole slew of things for kids too.  I wish I had so much to do here! Why I think the only thing San Diego is missing is snow!! Oh wait that is what made me think about moving in the first place!!

30 degree heat wave!

I just had a little bit of a funny interaction with my cousin who lives 1700 miles away from me. I live in NJ she is in Texas. She posted something saying that they were having a heat wave and it was only 30 degrees out. I told her it is the same here and i have my windows open! This is true it is 30 degrees out and I do have my windows open. Is it warm enough for this not really but I am tired of being sick. Germs and all the little crawly things we can not see love the heat and them love to get inside us and make us sick. So I try to open my windows and air it out as much as I can tolerate it. I try to wear more layers and keep my house a little cooler to try to not breed those little creepy crawlers. Now that I am sick I am even worse about opening my windows every day and trying to stay warm with out making everyone else feel like they are in a sweat box! I just want to know where my global warming is!

my kitchen is sooo small!!

My last post about not tasting my food made me think about how small my kitchen is. I would love to decorate it and make those decorations functional. I was thinking about how many different spices I use when I cook and how I feel like I can never find them easily because they are up in a cabinet. I think I need a spice rack! I have found all kinds of spice racks. There are ones that spin, ones that hang, some that even fold. I found some made for closets and some that are very pretty. I am looking for a wall spice rack that is not too frilly and that is not too big. I have a kind of country taste and really like things that remind me of being out doors. I found a spice rack that I likes it has leaves  and scroll work but it was a really awful shade of green and would not match anything in my house. I was at a friends house and fell in love with  spice rack she was using in her bathroom to organize her daughter's make up and hair stuff. I asked her about it and she told me she made it. Strike two! I tried to look on line but I found the spice racks to be either ugly or too high tech for me. Doesn't anyone have a kitchen spice rack that I will fall in love with and isn't a one of a kind? I think I just found a Christmas list idea for this year :)

being sick

I am sooo tired of being sick. I cook and the potatoes taste like the green beans and the green beans like the chicken. I can not tell them apart because I can not smell them at all! I could have eaten the dog food and would not have known the difference (well the dog food is crunchier than my food so maybe I would have). I have had people tell me all different things to try to get rid of this cold: eat garlic, drink tea, kepi it bland, and spice it up. I love the ideas and I really am grateful but the only thing that cures a cold is time. Yes fluids help but not to flush it out. When you have a cold fluids help to keep the mucus thinner for ease of draining. The more you drink the thinner it is. I wish there was a way to get over this cold already. The coughing is terrible and my throat has been bleeding because it is raw from coughing. I do not get sick often but when I do it is a doozy! I guess I should have expected this since it has been months since I had even a sniffle. Anyone know how to cough and not hurt your throat? Can't beat it but don't have to suffer needlessly! And yes I have cough drops cough medicine and even honey and lemon :)

Locker nostalgia

I remember when I was in school there were tons of lockers! We had a locker for everything! One for books one for coats one for gym. there were lockers in the science room, the gym and then another set for the sports teams. The trainers room had lockers for his supplies. When I was real little our cubbies were even lockers! I think the only place we didn't have lockers was in the cafeteria! I remember our gym lockers being very narrow and never having enough room for our gym stuff and our other school stuff. I hated the wooden locker room benches that always seemed to be splintering and I know I did not want to sit on them for fear i would get a splinter in a place I would never have let the nurse remove it from. I hated my regular locker because it was never wide enough to fit my coat and all of y books had to be on an angle to fit. I remember one year I never even bothered to learn my combination and did not use the locker even once that year. I was in my daughters school recently and man have the lockers come a long way! The are more spacious and have shelves!! Man am I jealouse! I think that if they ever put her school lockers for sale I may have to buy one!

snow snow snow snow snow snow blah blah blah blah

I really do like the snow. RIGHT now I would be happy if it didn't snow again till next year! I know that is bad but where is my global warming?!? I am so glad I am not in Florida anymore because I love seasons but we have had snow 5 out of the last 6 Tuesdays and now 6 snow storms in as many weeks! WOW!! I was going to write more but I am too tired from being out all day in the snow and thinking about how I have to get up in the morning and shovel it again :( Boooo I am so not happy about that but then again hubby has to go to work so who else is there to do it? anyway if I can stay awake tomorrow might I just might have something more to say! (I actually have a lot to say but am way too tired to get the words out right and make any sense at all) I hope you all sty warm and dry unless your intention is to have fun in all this fluffy white stuff!! But doesn't it look sooo pretty right now?

what a month!

First had a wonderful Christmas and a great New year. I hope the rest of the year keeps going like this! I have my graduation date of August 21st but it will be here in NJ not in Arizona so I do not get to see my grandparents again this year :( I have not seen my family in Texas in over 5 years. That saddens me because I miss them all so very much. I have found a stronger attachment to God than I have had in many many years. I am finding a peace in myself that I have not felt in a long time and a new strength to take on new tasks and new endeavors. I am sitting here typing this and listening to the news and I have tears running down my face because of the great steps that the Gabrielle Gifford has made and it enforces my belief that God was there with those people in Arizona. I am not an overly religious person and while i do not find fault in those who are I know that I am not. I do not go to "church" as I have not found one that I am comfortable in. I do not make my daughter go to church and maybe that is not a good thing but I talk to her about God and Christ and the salvation that lies with Them. I have faults and I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I was recently or again called a know it all. I do not know it all or pretend to. I like to say that I know a little abut everything and everything about nothing. I love the snow and living in NJ I have had more than my fair share of it lately. I like the snow and it is pretty when it is sunny and the wind blows it around it looks like glitter! I am off on tangents today and I am not really organized in my thoughts tonight. I normally have something of importance to me to say tonight I do not. After my last post a friend of mine went back and read some comments I had posted when I was angry at a situation that had occurred. I feel horrible about it all and I wish I had never said them but I did. I deleted the comment and apologized. I know it does not make it right but I cannot do more than I have. I hope she finds it in her heart to forgive me and if not that she finds herself in better health and finds some happiness as she really is  great person who deserves so much more than life has given to her as of late. I am glad m brother in law is back with us today and can stay that way for a while. He is doing very well and the wound on his arm is about the size of a quarter now. This is amazing and everyday he has more and more use of his arm and more and more fine motor skills are returning. he can grip the plug for the cell phone between his thumb and the side of his forefinger with enough strength to pull the plug out! He has been lifting small objects (bottles and the like) and using the hand on the injured arm to open door knobs and car doors and the fridge! I love that he is healing as well as he is! i am tired of the cold weather as well. It makes me hurt and I am so not a fan of pain! Since I am not a fan of pain I am wondering why I joined the gym?!?! I had a meeting with a personal trainer last Thursday. I did much better than I had thought I would! I felt really good when I left the gym. I had a good ache in my legs and felt like I had done a decent upper body workout even though I did not feel it. The next morning I found out why they refer to this trainer as Satan. I woke up and could not move my arms at all!! I stretched before and after the work out and had no pain at any point. I finally make it back to the gym still having a hard time with my left arm and worked out again. I am having one of the worst backaches of my life and I am very frustrated that I cannot go to the gym and work out more. I am going tomorrow (Friday) no matter what. between the pain and the snow I feel like I have not been in the gym the way I should be. Satan the trainer says one year till I am in the shape I want to be in. I know there is no way that I will be where I need to be in a year. I did not get this way in a year and I do not expect to be where I should be in a year but I should be much much closer to it! I am still looking for a job and it has been a loooong time since I have worked. I want to work but I am also limited in what I can do and that makes it harder than it should be to find something. I think I am also afraid to work full time because of my classes. I seem to do so much school work right now that I am stretching thin to get it all done. I also have to have a bowel resection done soon and that not only scares me but makes it a little harder to find a job when you know that after the surgery you will be doing nothing for a few weeks if not a few months. I am sort of looking forward to getting the surgery done because I am so tired of this low residue diet. I miss my veggies and salads and fruits and whole wheat and grains and rice! I am tired of chicken beef fish pork and spaghetti, tired of mushy carrots and green bean so soft they might as well have been pureed. I want a big salad and croutons and I want an apple and grapes and pears and strawberries!! I really miss tomatoes and cucumbers and grrrr.... but it will all be worth it if I can have this surgery soon and then about 3 months later I can start adding back in the foods I have been banned from again! I hope that I never have to go through this again either. I did not realize just how life threatening my condition was when i was admitted to the hospital and I hope that I never have t be in that situation again. I am tired now and I hope that my sleep inducing sound waves send me off to la la land as easily as they have the past few nights. I love my android hone with all of its apps!!